Uncover How Honest Everyone Really Is Around You

All you have to do is turn on the news to see how a lack of honest communication is affecting the workplace as well as everyday relationships we have with one another. In fact, it seems these problems are very common. Therefore, honest, effective communication is even more critical to teamwork, productivity, and profitability and an organization’s lifelong success than ever before.

People at all levels of an organization must be willing to honestly share the information, ideas, and opportunities that come up on a daily basis. This honest communication must also be done in a time-sensitive manner, because things change so quickly in today’s world. If an organization does not receive critical information in time, it can cost them millions or even billions of dollars. Why? Because problems need to be caught and resolved when they are small, and no organization can afford to miss key opportunities.

People make better decisions when they get an accurate, truthful view of problems and situations. They are more focused, proactive, and creative with their solutions, because they know what the problems are as they occur. And they have all the information they need to respond quickly and effectively.

In addition, honest communication allows organizations to attract and retain talented people, because those people feel as if they can succeed in such an honest and healthy environment. In this environment, people listen to and trust each other. They exchange valuable feedback so that goals are achieved and organizations are properly positioned to seize opportunities.

How are you and your organization advancing in the area of honest communication? Do you think there may be some areas that need improvement? Is a storm brewing? To see if you might have some hidden problems with honesty, please answer these Seven Key Questions to Detect an Honest Communication Problem. (Although this focuses on work issues, you can easily translate it to personal or home issues as well.) If you answer no to any of these questions, an honest communication problem that could threaten you and your organization may be looming. 

1. Are people accountable and do they keep their promises and commitments?

People who blatantly break their promises may be breaking other promises we are unaware of. As the saying goes, “Where there is smoke, there is fire.” Watch out for those who say they may not keep their word on small stuff but will keep their word on the big stuff. This is usually not the case. People who do not keep their promises or who constantly adjust their promises and still don’t deliver are probably not being upfront about something. Sometimes they know inside that they can’t deliver, but they are afraid of our reaction or they don’t want to let us down. Others feel weak or defeated when they admit they can’t accomplish something. So, they are not truthful and upfront about what is really going on. Of course, the failure to come clean only compounds the problem, and in the end everyone pays a severe price. An undelivered promise is often a symptom of a problem than needs to be discussed and resolved.

2. Do people tell you everything you need to know?

How many times have you finished a project or made a decision only to find out that people did not share key information and ideas that would have altered or changed what you did? You may have thought, “If they had just said something, I might have taken care of this issue more effectively and in a fraction of the time.” Key information is often there — we just need to receive it. Honest and open communication is crucial to getting a quality job done on time, within budget.

3. Do people argue, debate, and share opposing opinions in your presence?

President Lyndon Johnson said, “If nobody is arguing, only one person is thinking.” I would add, “or only one person is being honest.” It is normal and healthy to have differing opinions; the key is whether people have the freedom to share those differing opinions, tough news, and other information. If people around you never oppose your ideas and plans, they may not be saying what they are really thinking. If everyone always agrees with you, they probably do not.

One reason for this dynamic is that people often suffer from The Authority Pleasing Principle — telling their leaders what they think they want to hear. Many people have been conditioned that the way to make people happy and advance in life is to do just that. Think about how our schooling may have conditioned us in that way. If we gave the teacher what he or she wanted, we were rewarded.

In addition to the desire to please, employees often fear potential backlash if they share unpopular points of view. When we try to move forward and make a decision, we find that others are dragging their feet and not doing what we need them to do. In other words, they have not bought into the idea. We need to create a safe environment so people can say what they are really thinking — because receiving difficult information and feedback is essential to taking care of problems before they become huge issues.

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4. When you ask a question, do people answer it directly?

People who are hiding things often skirt the issue, change the subject, or answer questions in global, ambiguous, or vague ways. Often they gloss over the present situation and jump to the future. In fact, some people not only don’t answer the question, they turn it around and ask you a question that distracts you. This tactic often works. For example, if you ask someone about the status of a report, they may say, “Fine. Just working hard. So, what do you have going on for the rest of the week?” How often have you walked away from discussions thinking, I don’t think they ever answered my question. Further and persistent questioning is often the key to discovering and eventually resolving the problem.

5. Do you always react positively when someone shares difficult information or unpopular opinions with you?

This question may be confronting but hopefully it is useful. Often we say we want honest communication, but when someone gives it to us, we become upset or defensive. We may respond with a nasty look, a raised voice, or by ignoring what has been said. These types of responses speak volumes to the messenger and discourage this person from sharing difficult information or unpopular opinions in the future. In essence, a negative response trains and conditions people not to be forthcoming. If this continues, we might one day say, “Why am I the last one to know? Why didn’t anyone tell me?” The key is to own up to the situation and create a safe environment. Then people can say what needs to be said.

6. Are you the first to hear and find out about things?

People who are afraid to say things directly to you often tell others in the organization what they truly think and feel. Unfortunately, when you finally hear this information indirectly, it is often severely distorted. Remember the game of telephone? Do you remember how distorted the message became after it had passed through several players? Distorted information thwarts our actions, because it is inaccurate. I have watched many projects and contracts become problematic, because they were built and executed based on hearsay information. Being the first to hear and directly find out facts is the key to handling things efficiently and effectively. That is why some of the best executives and managers develop ways to receive direct communication from their customers, potential customers, and all levels of their staff.

7. Are people sharing innovative and even crazy ideas and opportunities with you? 

In today’s incredibly competitive work world, we must tap into the resources, ideas, and knowledge of the people around us. Research indicates that many of the greatest ideas do not come from headquarters but the front lines. Staff on the front lines are the closest to the problems, issues, and challenges. They know the way things really work. Without front-line information, feedback, and perspective, an organization can become stale, lose its competitive edge, and ultimately become extinct. This is why we need to constantly ask people for their ideas. Honest communication is not only essential to resolving issues but also in exploring new ideas and opportunities.

If these questions have exposed some problems in your organization or your personal relationships, you are now aware of the situation and can do something about it. Many individuals and organizations don’t ask the hard questions quickly enough to uncover problems before the damage is done. Many people believe it is better not to rock the boat. They just hope things will get better. Maybe it is time to rock the boat and find out what may be lurking below so that you don’t pay an even heavier price later.

Here are three suggestions that can have an immediate impact.

            1. Organizations, no matter the size, must take specific and tangible actions to create a safe environment for employees to openly and honestly communicate.

            2. Leaders must set the tone and the example by consistently demonstrating honest communication and being open to receive honest communication. They must show that it can be done, is appreciated, and will be rewarded.

            3. Employees need to have or need to be taught the skills and techniques to communicate honestly and effectively. People talk about being honest, but few are actually shown how to do it and produce the desired results. These skills will enable employees to effectively express concerns about thorny or complicated issues without fear of a strong reaction from the receiver.

By approaching this on several levels and from different angles, an honest communication environment can flourish and thrive. This way, people can say what they need to say and find out what they need to find out. Ideas can be freely and safely exchanged, and everyone benefits. Share these 7 Key Questions and call us to provide  specific strategies to make a huge difference in relationship building, teamwork, productivity and growth of your organization.

Take action! You can make the difference!

Get People to Share Ideas, Energize & Entreprenurize!

In today’s incredibly competitive work world, we need to tap into the resources, ideas, and knowledge of the people around us.  Research indicates that many of the greatest ideas do not come from the headquarters of an organization, but from the “front lines.” Front line staff members are the closest to the problems, issues, and challenges.  They are the people who know the “nuts and bolts” and how things really work inside organizations. Without this information and perspective organizations can become stale, lose their competitive edge, and ultimately become extinct. 

The key question is: Are people around you sharing their thoughts, ideas, and perspectives?  Have you created an environment in which people feel as if they can? One sign this may not be happening to the extent it needs to is, if after you uncover a problem, you find yourself saying, “If only I had known.”  Often the answers to many of our issues and problems exist; unfortunately, sometimes we don’t find out in time or we don’t find out at all.

Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking we are usually hearing most of the ideas and opportunities around us. But, just consider how often you have seen other people (and maybe even yourself) not express their ideas because they rationalize no one cares or it won’t do any good? Therefore, it is only logical to consider that others might be doing this with you.   Unfortunately, sometimes we train and condition people not to share their ideas with us.  How and why does this happen?  

We tell people we want to hear their ideas and opportunities, but when they do share we may debate them or we may not take the time to really hear. We may be rushed or only partly listening. Consequently, the next time we ask for feedback and ideas, that person probably won’t be willing to share because they anticipate another negative response. In effect, we train and condition people not to be honest and open with their ideas and opportunities.

Even organizations as a whole, can unknowingly encourage people to stop sharing their ideas. For example, sometimes organizations give employee surveys and then don’t provide feedback for months, if at all.  In some cases, there is no feedback on specific actions the organization will take to make improvements. The employees conclude that sharing feedback and ideas won’t do any good and is a waste of time.
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The good news is there are some easy keys that you can implement that should help.  This may seem basic but are often not done or at least to the extent that they could.  Please read each one in detail and challenge yourself by asking, “On a scale from 1 to 10 how well do I do this?  What could I do to improve my rating?” 

1. Ask people for their ideas.  This seems obvious, but often employees complain that no one asks them – and they are too timid to offer.  The key is to constantly ask people for their ideas and ask them in a variety of settings.  Ask people in official meetings, ad-hoc and random meetings, and in one-on-one conversations.  Some people are more comfortable in one setting as opposed to another. If you keep asking them in different ways and in different situations they eventually will.  Their ideas may lead to new opportunities for the organization.  And, if employees feel their ideas have made a difference, they will be more likely to start to offer new ideas without asking.  Some organizations even make it a requirement, set goals and create metrics for receiving ideas. If you do this make sure it is for quantity of ideas, not quality. Remember, through quantity, you usually will get the quality. Plus, you may hear some crazy, radical ideas.   Those radical ideas, as history has shown, could turn out to be groundbreaking.

2. Appreciate all ideas.  Take all ideas seriously, regardless of what you’re thinking and feeling.  Don’t dismiss any idea or justify why something will not work to quickly. Ideas that seem crazy or off base at first could turn out to be the golden idea later.  Sometimes with a little tweaking, it might be the perfect idea to help you now.  You may not be able to use all or even most of the ideas, but be careful how you respond.  Be very aware of your facial gestures, body language, voice tone and words.  All should be open, appreciative and reflect a serious, “Your input is valued” response.  At least say thank you and let them know that you appreciate their ideas.   Appreciating people for sharing ideas sends the message to keep them coming.

3. Credit the creator of the idea. This may seem obvious, but I have had many participants in my seminars share how upset and disillusioned they have become because someone stole their idea and took credit. Make sure you give credit to the originator of the idea when you put it to use, even if you have evolved or altered it slightly.  This is critical for maintaining trust and creativity in an organization.  This encourages free flow of ideas because it lets people know that sharing ideas and opportunities is not a waste of time. Instead, it is a valuable resource. It makes a statement that idea sharing is rewarded and acknowledged in the organization. Make sure you understand how the originator wants to be credited.  Some people prefer public praise; some prefer private acknowledgement.  Either way, make sure credit is given to the originator as soon as possible.

How did you do in each of these keys on a scale from 1 to 10? Hopefully you see where you can improve to help solicit ideas and opportunities within an organization.  Getting people to share openly and honestly their ideas is an always improving, never-ending process.  When we create an environment where people want to share their ideas, we all reap the rewards!

Are you where you thought you would be as the new year begins?
Have you put off changes that you need to make?
Are there people zapping your energy and robbing you of what you could achieve? 

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, here are 9 crucial actions that can help ensure that 2010 will be a great year for you. These actions can put your life on a different path. It’s like flipping the switch on a train track — the initial change is minimal, but down the line the difference can be enormous. 

1. Distance yourself from the dream crushers, naysayers, and negative influences. Just like we are what we eat, we are a product of the people we spend time with and the information we take in. Who are you surrounding yourself with? What are you reading? How much are you dwelling on negative news stories?  I am not suggesting that we put our heads in the sand. I am suggesting that we fill our minds with the influences that empower us.  Take the time to clean house.

2. Let go of the garbage that you are carrying. Reach out to someone you have written off (but still think about), or to someone you’ve given up on or had some problem with. Talk to that person and do what it takes (legally of course) to reach some sort of resolution and put the situation behind you. Ask the other person, “What would it take for us to put this behind us?” Their input can help you create a solution that works for everyone. By reaching out and having a conversation, you are extending the olive branch. This can create a new beginning and trigger conversations and events that can ultimately change your life. Remember: forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Make 2010 the year you give that gift. (For more information on our 7-step procedure on how to forgive and let go of anything, check out the corresponding chapter in Honesty Works: Real-World Solutions to Common Problems at Work and Home.)

3. Live 2010 with a long-term perspective. Ask yourself these questions: “When I am 90 years old and I look back at 2010, what do I want to say happened? What do I want to say that I accomplished?”  Be clear and honest with yourself about what is important to you in your relationships, in your job, and in your life. This might sound simple, but sadly many people drift year after year and let time pass by without really figuring out what is most important to them. Remember, time is one commodity we can never replenish. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. When you are not sure what to do, think about what your ninety-year-old self would tell you to do in 2010. Then take action. 

4. Stop negotiating things that are not negotiable. Are you suffering because you are being flexible and letting go of your standards and principles that are important to you? Decide what is negotiable vs. what is really not negotiable to you. If you are not clear, how can others be. Then let others know and take a stand. Many people get inspired when boundaries are set because clarity gives them power to focus their time and energy on areas of flexibility. 
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This premium package includes Steven Gaffney’s products and is the optimum way to learn Steven’s honest communication strategies. This package includes Steven Gaffney’s books, CDs, audio seminar, calendar and sticky note products, and most importantly, The Steven Gaffney Company’s expert coaching – all for the INTERNET DISCOUNT price of $595, over $100 in savings from the retail price of all the products and coaching sold individually.  Click here for more details… 
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5. Find out what the important people in your life want and manage expectation.  You can use this question as a starter: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate our relationship?” (Or “this project,” or “my effectiveness in this job.”) Listen to their answer, and then ask, “What would it take to make it a 10?” For extra credit, ask, “What would it take to make it a 15 — above and beyond expectations?” Be ready for an interesting and — hopefully — helpful response. The next step (and this is important) is to manage their expectations. I have found that people, groups, and organizations don’t often get the credit they deserve because they don’t adequately manage other people’s expectations of what can and cannot be accomplished. 

6. Appreciate five really important people in your life that you might have neglected. Sometimes we take for granted the people who are important to us.  Take time to really let them know how much you appreciate them.  After all, I have never met anyone who has left a company or wanted a divorce because they were appreciated too much.

7. Commit to changing at least one behavior and being accountable in a public way. What behavior of yours do you really want to change? What if I were going to give you a billion dollars to change it? What if your life depended on making this change? The truth is that if you really want to achieve this change, you will. So set up an accountability and consequence to insure you will make that change. For example, if you find yourself repeatedly complaining about a particular issue and you want to stop being so negative, tell five people you are going to stop complaining about the issue. Every time you complain about it, give them each a dollar. Or if you really want to commit to being home by a certain time, tell your significant other that if you don’t make it on time, you will grant any wish or pay for a nice dinner of their choice. The point here is to send a message that your promises are not empty and you are committed to changing the behavior. Being accountable is one of the most important ingredients in lasting change.

8. Decide on your number-one goal and create a plan to achieve it. Make sure your goal is measurable and that there is a deadline for completion. You might think this is simple — and it is — but people often neglect to set clear goals or create so many they don’t accomplish any. I see this frequently with organizations that have so many goals, people don’t know which ones to focus on. The result is the try to focus on many and often achieve little. Remember confusion causes delay and often failure. Clarity and focus gives us power and inspiration to achieve. 

9.Look out for one another. When I was growing up, I often sat alone at lunch — not because I wanted to, but because I did not know how to reach out and ask for help.  Just because someone is alone and doesn’t ask for help doesn’t mean they really don’t want help. Maybe they have a hard time asking for help, or maybe they are embarrassed that they need help, or maybe they think no one would help them even if they asked. So reach out and make someone’s day… or year! 
 
Regrets can plague us for the rest of our lives, but they don’t have to. Seize the moment and make sure that 2010 is your best year ever. After all, you deserve it.

If you need help or assistance, let me know.

Please share this article with others as a gift to help make their 2010 all it should be.

6 Keys to Holiday Cheer

Most of us have a love-hate relationship with the holidays. It’s a great season, but it can be stressful. Here are six keys to take the stress out of the holidays and help make the season a magical one:

1.Your focus will determine your future. Have you ever noticed that if something bad happens and you focus on it, then more bad things happen? If you think that a certain holiday function is going to be bad, then most likely it will be just that. I’m not saying that if you think happy thoughts, then you’re guaranteed happy times. That’s absurd. I am simply saying that if you focus on the positive, not only will your experiences feel more positive, but the negatives won’t feel so overwhelming. If you tell yourself that the holidays are going to be enjoyable and then you encounter a rude relative, you are more likely to take their rude behavior in stride and not allow it to ruin your holiday spirit. This in turn will affect others in a favorable way. If you don’t get rattled, others are less likely to get rattled. Remember to watch your self-talk and make sure you are not saying to yourself, “I know it is just a matter of time before something bad happens and my time is ruined.” Focus on the positive and see what happens.

2.Handle emotions with finesse. There are many reasons people find the holidays to be stressful. Loneliness, financial pressure, and unfulfilled goals and desires are just a few. Expressing emotions is a great way for people to begin to free themselves from their built-up feelings of stress, worry, fear, and anxiety. Unfortunately, many people encourage others not to express their emotions by saying things like, “I don’t want to hear it,” or, “Get over it.” This is like putting a lid on a pot of boiling water. Eventually it will boil over, and when it does, it will be a mess. When someone is upset, the best thing to do is simply acknowledge that the person has the right to that emotion. It’s not necessary to agree with the reason they’re upset. Just say something like, “I understand you are upset” (or stressed or annoyed). This sounds simple, but unfortunately we often do the opposite and invalidate others’ emotions by saying things like, “I understand you are upset, BUT…” or, “Don’t get upset,” “Calm down,” “Don’t worry.” When we tell someone not to feel a certain way, it can actually have the opposite effect and make that person even more emotional, prolonging or even escalating the emotion. Ironically, the more we acknowledge another person’s emotions, the more likely that their emotions will be diffused, allowing us to change the subject and discuss other things.

3.Use the Law of Reflection to your advantage. The Law of Reflection says that whatever we give out in life we tend to get back. Unfortunately, this law can work against us if we allow it to. Think about it. If someone is down, we are down. If someone is negative, we start to allow ourselves to be negative. If someone complains about someone else, we allow ourselves to get caught up in their drama. But there is no reason to allow others to set the tone for our holidays – we should set the tone ourselves. We cannot control what happens but we can control how we respond, which may in turn inspire others to respond more positively. In other words, no matter what others do, choose to have a good time and do what it takes to enjoy the holidays. This will help send the message that unlike previous holidays when we allowed others to push our buttons, times have changed. Once they get the message that there is a new sheriff in town, their bad behavior is more likely to stop and you’ll be able to have the holidays you truly desire.

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4.Don’t be stingy with your compliments. We often hold back our expressions of appreciation for one another. In fact, sometimes we reserve our compliments because we believe the person doesn’t deserve the appreciation due to something else they’ve done or because we think they’ll take advantage of it. But if the only things that come out of our mouths are negative, then others will get tired of listening to us and disconnect — even if what we have to say is “true.” Instead, keep the Law of Reflection in mind. The more we compliment, the better the holiday spirit will be. The holidays can be a great time to express how much we care for and appreciate others. After all, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring and whether each of us will be around to celebrate the next holiday together. Don’t withhold your compliments. Cherish the time and each other.

5.Go beyond your feelings and remember why. When you can’t seem to love the holiday event or gathering, remember to love why you are there. Be the model, set the tone, and do what it takes to avoid getting caught up in other people’s drama. Choose to enjoy the holidays for the sake of your children, your spouse, your parents, and others. Give your friends and loved ones that gift. Isn’t that what the holidays are all about?

6.Reach out and touch someone. There are a lot of lonely people out there preparing to spend the holidays alone — perhaps as a result of divorce, the loss of a spouse, a break-up, or a move. Reach out and invite them to be a part of your holiday festivities. When you do so, keep in mind that just because a person doesn’t return phone calls or e-mails, it doesn’t mean they really want to be alone. Sometimes people reject our invitations because they feel like they are not genuinely wanted or they’re afraid of being reminded of past holidays. Sometimes “No” means “Ask again and tell me you really want me to come.” Be persistent and reach out to family, friends, and neighbors. Don’t let others be alone. Maybe you can use some of these strategies to show them that the holiday season can be a great time of year. Just think how good you will feel when you reconnect with a long lost relative, or when you show a hurting friend or neighbor some true kindness and the real joy the holidays can bring.

We all say that the holidays should be a joyful time of year, but sometimes we forget that we’re responsible for making them that way. Choosing to focus on the positive and finding enjoyment in all the activities and festivities is not a selfish thing. When we choose joy, we help others do the same. By reaching out to help our friends and loved ones connect with their emotions and enjoy the holidays, we spread the holiday cheer that is the true meaning behind all the season’s celebrations. Happy holidays!

When it comes to dealing with problems or issues with others, we are likely to follow one or more of these solutions that are myths of communication–solutions that are touted as solutions but can actually cause horrible problems instead.

Myth #1: Time heals all wounds. The truth is time usually deepens wounds. If time really healed all wounds, people would not blame their behavior on their childhood and past events as they often do. In fact, time can deceive us into thinking that problems with others have been resolved, but all it usually takes is to see them again or something to remind us of the past unresolved issues and we will become upset all over again. In essence our unresolved past is lying around waiting to strike us in the present.

What to do? Don’t rationalize, “Well, they are not saying or bringing it up. So I will just let it go.” Just because they are not bringing it up doesn’t mean they let it go. They may feel awkward or embarrassed or may not know how to bring it up so they have decided to bury it. The key is to proactively bring up issues and resolve them.

Myth #2: Don’t Rock the Boat. The truth is if you don’t rock the boat, the boat will probably sink. Faced with an issue or problem that is bothering us, many people rationalize, “I am not going to say anything. It’s not that big a deal. I don’t want to rock the boat” The problem with this way of thinking is if we don’t say anything, the issue is unlikely to be resolved. Then what was once a small issue may fester and grow into a big problem. What to do? As stated above, proactively bring up issues as they happen.

Myth #3: Be Diplomatic. The truth is if we are too diplomatic, the person may not get the point and nothing may get resolved. Have you ever had someone be upset with you claiming that they told you about something and you did not do anything about it? Upon retrospect you realize that they might have brought it up but the person was so diplomatic, the person beat-around-the-bush and you missed the point. What to do? When we have an issue, yes-bringing things up in an understanding way is important, just make sure the issue and what you want done is clear.

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Myth #4: Sandwich what you want to really say between two compliments. The truth is the “sandwich method” is so transparent that people immediately identify the strategy and feel manipulated. The sandwich method is when you place what you really want to say between two positive compliments. “I appreciate how hard you work, but blah, blah, blah… and thank you for working with me on this.” Such communication tricks can permanently damage relationships.

What to do? Tell people the truth. People are smart and we are usually lousy actors. People see through us anyway, so be honest and clear. If you have issues talk about them, get right to the point. When you have something nice to say, bring it up in separate conversation or at least in a different part of the conversation not connected to a problem or something we really want done.

Myth #5: More communication leads to resolution. The truth is just more communication can lead to wasting time and possibly more misunderstandings. Sometimes people believe and operate as if people talk about more things, that clarity will somehow magically emerge from the sheer volume of information and issues will get handled. But how often have you been in a meeting where people “talked about things” and nothing got resolved.

Consider this. If the solution were simply increased amounts of communication, wouldn’t you expect, for example that e-mail, cell phones, video conferencing to have significantly reduced communication problems? In spite of all of these extra tools now available, it seems there are more misunderstandings, mistakes and conflicts than ever before. And people still complain that they don’t receive the feedback they need to do their jobs properly.

In fact, communication technologies can also help people spread misinformation with blazing speed, sometimes with devastating results. Communication technology is not inherently bad. The way people use it is often ineffective. Increasing the amount of communication through multiple channels is not the answer in and of itself.

What to do? Instead of just increasing the amount of communication, make sure that people know how to effectively use the different ways to communicate. If learned, these methods can make the critical difference in successfully resolving issues as they arise.

Take Action
Pass this tip on to people you care about, your co-workers, your boss, your employees, family and friends. Use it as a basis to talk to the people around your office, in your organization and your personal life. Have an upfront conversation about the “myths of communication” and what everyone is willing to do differently. This way everyone will benefit from the knowledge and wisdom we all have to contribute.

If you need help and/or guidance call us, we can help.

Together we can make the difference!

For more information on all of the Steven Gaffney Company products including our unlimited coaching and advising program, click here to visit our success store.

Check out Steven’s latest television interview on News Channel 8 “Let’s Talk Live,” where he discusses his latest book “Honesty Sells, How to Make More Money and Increase Business Profits.” Listen in as Steven talks about how important it is to train and condition people to be upfront and honest, even during the most difficult of times.

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The Law of Reflection is the key to instantly changing and enhancing any relationship.  The Law of Reflection states that what we give out is what we tend to get back.  We have all heard this law, of course, in various versions, “what goes around, comes around,” The Golden Rule, “we reap what we sow.” In fact, it is amazing how prevalent this basic lesson—what you put out, you tend to get back—exists in various religions, philosophies, and cultures.  Despite how common this is, we often forget these lessons in life when dealing with others.  

When I work with intact groups, I can usually predict the attitude of the leader by interviewing the people who report directly to him or her.  When they blame, I usually find that the boss is a blamer.  On the other hand, when the employees have an attitude of taking full responsibility, I usually find that the boss possesses an “ownership attitude” as well.  The attitude of the executive, manager or supervisor seems to be reflected by their employees’ attitudes.  This is often why an organization makes a change in leadership.  A change in leadership will directly affect the morale and productivity of a group, even when its members remain the same.

The Law of Reflection holds true only downward in an organization, but in all different directions, including laterally across a team or group.  Have you ever been part of a team when someone on your level is hired who is particularly negative? Although the new employee is not even the boss, you may witness the entire morale and productivity of the team fall if this is not taken care of. This is true in the positive direction as well. When someone particularly enthusiastic or humorous is hired as part of the team, what happens?   Right…. things start to lighten up.

That’s pretty exciting, because it reemphasizes the power of the individual. Contrary to how people often think, one person can and really does make a difference by focusing on him or herself. The excuse, “Well, I am just one person, what difference can I make,” is just that, an excuse.

 
Think a moment about our work lives.  If you have been just sitting around hoping for things to happen, how is that working for you? In truth, we affect people in all directions—up, down, sideways.  How we affect those people helps create the world we live and work in.  

Applying the Law of Reflection is also the key to compelling people to be more honest with us.  The more honest we are, the more likely it is that others will be honest with us.  I frequently hear people complain that someone in their lives is not being completely honest with them. When I hear that, I respond, “How honest are you with that person?” Again, even if the other person started it, the situation will only worsen if we also withhold our feelings and are not honest. The result is a standoff in which everyone loses.

This reminds me of a seminar participant who complained to me that her elderly father, with whom she has tried to develop a close relationship, wouldn’t ever truly open up to her.  I asked her what it was that she was holding back.  In other words, what was at the heart of this lack of openness?  What was she trying to say, but was avoiding saying by burying it in a lot of words?  Suddenly, her face changed and sadly she said, “I know what it is.  I am not sharing with him that I wonder if he approves of the way I am living my life.  I have been talking around the issue, hoping that he would voice his approval.”  She also shared that she had avoided confronting her father, because she was embarrassed to admit that she still needed his approval.  She left the seminar that day with a plan to tell her father the truth. 

If we want to change the dynamics of a relationship, it is important for us to take the first step. Concentrating on the one person we can control — ourselves—and responding differently often starts us down a new path to the relationships and true results we desire.

An Article from the Co-Author of “Honesty Sells” and one of our associates, Colleen Francis

The year 2009 is now officially half over. Is your sales team performing at their maximum potential?

Are you looking for new ways to increase their team’s (or company’s) revenues – and improve their profit margins – as we head into the second half of the year?

The following four tips can help you to help your team improve their sales results, increase their revenues and exceed their sales targets

Tip #1: Love the one you’re with.
Many companies invest far too much time chasing new customers, and far too little making sure their existing customers are happy.

Research tells us that selling to an existing customer is between five to fifteen times less expensive (and takes far less time) than acquiring a new customer. Why risk losing something you worked so hard to secure in the first place?

One sure-fire way to increase your customer retention rate is to create a monthly newsletter or other program that lets you stay in touch with them on a regular basis. Newsletters can be easy to create, inexpensive to produce and can even be distributed instantly by email. Most importantly, a newsletter can help keep you in your customers’ top of mind, so whenever they need to buy again, they think of you first.

Tip #2: Get some feedback.
A satisfied customer is predisposed to purchase more, purchase more often and even purchase something different than a customer who is less than satisfied with your product or service. So what are you doing to ensure your customers are satisfied customers?

The most successful companies poll their clients immediately following a purchase in order to gauge their level of satisfaction and make any necessary changes to their sales and service programs. If you haven’t gotten any feedback from your customers in a while, pick a day this month for you and your team to sit down, call your customers and find out how they really feel about you.

Ask them specific questions like how they would like to be served by you, what their experience has been like with the various departments in your company and what they would like to see you do differently. You can then use this information to craft a sales and service strategy that puts what the customer wants, first.

Sound scary? If so, then you probably need to do this exercise even more. If you receive any negative feedback, take action to fix it right away and call the customer back as soon as you have a solution. You may be surprised to see how many customers will be inclined to buy from you again once the problem is resolved.
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Now available, our newest book, “Honesty Sells, How To Make More Money and Increase Business Profits.”  For more information, visit www.honestysells.com
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Tip #3: Get connected.
According to a recent Gallup study, emotionally connected customers spend 46% more than customers who are simply satisfied.

How do you create emotional connectedness? Start by being personal.

Have your sales reps send handwritten thank-you cards after each first-time sale. Keep track of and contact your customers on important dates such as the anniversary of the day they started doing business with you, their own company anniversary, family birthdays or anything else you can use to build a personal relationship. Plus, make a point of connecting with customers on holidays throughout the year.

And always, always be on the lookout for any opportunity to refer someone to your customers. If you can help your customers grow their business, believe me, they’ll be only too happy to take you with them.

Tip #4: Make a direct link.
The number one mistake I see many business-to-business companies make is allowing all of their contact with their customers to go through a single sales representative. This can leave you vulnerable whenever one of your employees jumps ship to join one of your competitors. It also leaves too much room for negligence on the part of your reps.

Establish a direct link with each of your customers, regardless of how many layers of distribution lie between you. A restaurant owner can do this by coming around and chatting personally with diners. A CEO of a large company can do it with a newsletter or maybe a hotline phone number.

To reinforce this direct link, get in the habit of contacting your customers at various times throughout the year. For example, send them en email to:

Introduce new products or services;
Give advance notice (and an explanation) of an upcoming price or fee increase;
Offer special discounts or premiums;
Provide useful and valuable industry information;
Give special recognition to top customers; or
Announce seasonal sales.

Remember the cardinal rule!

Just remember this one critical rule: tell your entire sales story every time you communicate with established customers.

Don’t take shortcuts or feel that you may be boring them by telling the same story over and over. Don’t assume any specific knowledge on the part of the customer. And as my first sales mentor once said to me, don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that your customers have an active imagination.

Customers have so many things going on today that they simply can’t be counted on to remember all the great things about you from one sale to the next without at least a little prompting. So if you have a unique quality, service, price guarantee or other advantage that sets you apart from the competition, take a moment to point it out each and every time you deliver a written or verbal sales presentation, and in every newsletter you send out.

As sales professionals, we desperately need to place a higher value on the customer. That’s the message behind Tom Peters’ incredibly successful “In Search of Excellence” movement. It’s the message behind Blockbuster’s “No Late Fees” policy. And it’s one of the reasons why, in Canada, cell phone companies have finally allowed their customers to “take their number with them.”

Make sure it’s the message behind your company, your team and your customer service, too. Communicate with your customers often and with emotion, and you’ll find your business will really begin to soar.

Advice. It’s everywhere. Magazine covers. Morning news broadcasts. E-mail forwards. It seems everyone has some advice to give, and most of us must be looking for it, because self-help books continue to sell and those morning shows keep booking guests who offer life direction in perfect sound bites.

Recently I started thinking about some of the guiding life principles that I hear repeatedly – those easy-to-remember ideas that supposedly can help guide us through our daily lives and help us make decisions. I quickly realized that if we were to fully implement many of these life principles, we wouldn’t be too pleased with the results.

The trouble is that these ideas get repeated so often that we fail to think critically about them, and we miss opportunities to find a life principle that can help us safely navigate our daily lives. I want to alert you to three common life principles that could cause you harm and give you one life principle that I have found to provide sound guidance. First let’s look at three life principles you
should watch out for.

Principle 1.
Live in the present. It is good to enjoy the moment, and I do live by this principle – to an extent. For instance, if I’m spending the day with family or friends, I try to focus on them rather than obsessing over business while I pretend to listen to them. In that way, living in the present is great advice. But the trouble is that this principle of living in the moment doesn’t always offer the right perspective. How can it possibly help you make effective business decisions, career decisions, financial decisions, or family decisions? Those decisions require long- term thinking. I love McDonald’s — in the moment. But afterwards McDonald’s doesn’t make me feel so good. Living in the moment is important, but it can make us shortsighted and cause us to choose the wrong things.

Principle 2.
Treat others the way you want to be treated. The Golden Rule. Hard to argue with, isn’t it? The trouble is that we are profoundly different from one another. Treating people the way you want to be treated often only works with people who are like you. Suppose you’re a meat lover and you’ re having a family of vegetarians over for dinner. Should you serve them meat? Of course not! Li f e
demands that we develop greater flexibility than this principle suggests. The best leaders and managers I know have expanded their capabilities and developed the muscles to adjust to other people’s styles and personalities.

Principle 3.
Treat others the way they want to be treated. This sounds kind and loving, but sometimes what people say they want is not what’s best for them. If your friend is an alcoholic and he says he wants a drink, should you give it to him? Or, to be less extreme, think about people who say they want honest feedback but in the next breath tell you that they only want feedback in a particular area or in a certain way. As I discuss in my seminars and coaching sessions, when people set conditions for honesty, it limits honesty because others will use those conditions as a reason not to be truthful. The result is missed opportunities for growth. This may be the way these people want to be treated, but that doesn’t make it the best.

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This assessment got me thinking about what makes a good guiding life principle. It didn’t take me long to realize that for years I’d been observing a valuable life principle in action, but simply hadn’t realized the power it could have for me. Three of my four grandparents lived long lives, and my relationships with them taught me that people who are approaching the end of their lives often r e fl e c t o n t h e i r accompl i shment s, their disappointments, their regrets, and all they have to be thankful for. They examine how they’ve made use of their time on this earth.

So why not live as if the ninety year-old me is present with me to give me advice and wisdom right now? At ninety we will understand what is important in the long run, but we’ll also know the value of enjoying the present. At ninety we’ll know how to treat others, but we  ll also understand the importance of saying what needs to be said and of making the decisions that may be unpopular but are the right thing to do. At ninety we’ll understand the grave importance of being clear on our top priorities, knowing our negotiables and non-negotiables, and choosing to spend our time
with people who enhance our lives and treat us the way we deserve to be treated.

Implementing the ninety-year-old principle has made a significant difference in my life. I lived for years sacrificing time with those I love as well as sacrificing my emotional presence when I was physically present. When I began asking myself what the ninety year-old me would tell me to do, I was shocked by some of my decisions and actions in my professional and personal life. I realized I had wasted time doing many things that had brought little, if any, lasting value. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I have.

Try it. Think of a business or personal decision you need to make, and visualize yourself at ninety. You’re sitting in a comfortable chair with your feet up. You’re smiling and content with the decisions you have made throughout your life. Now ask yourself what the ninety-year-old you would tell you to do now. Suppose you need to be honest with someone about their attitude,
performance, or treatment of others. What guidance might the three damaging life principles offer?

Live in the moment: Unless you love confrontation, this principle may leave you thinking, “Not right now!”

Treat others the way you want to be treated: This could be helpful as long as you don’ t mind conflict and aren’t upset by hearing difficult messages. Treat others the way they want to be treated: If the person isn’t open to coaching or often doesn’t want to hear what others have to say, then you’ll have to hold your tongue.

But here’s what the ninety-yearold you would likely think about approaching a difficult subject with someone:

Things may be uncomfortable and there may be some trouble in the short term, but in the long run, this is the right thing to do. Time deepens wounds and deepens problems, and ignoring situations often makes them worse. I know that pain in the short term can bring gain in the long term. When I look back on this, I’ll be glad I said what needed to be said.

Don’t wait until you’re ninety to gain this valuable perspective. What is the ninety-year-old you advising you to do now?